You look beautiful
Topic: August 2005
Today is gonna be a good day.... afterall, this morning after getting ready for work, my 3 year old niece looked at me and said I look beautiful. How can today be bad!

My sister and I started inventorying the items in the bathroom last nite... wow, I got way too much makeup - but that's a good thing when it comes time to submit my list for reimbursement!

I'm having sewing withdrawals, and it's only been 2 weeks, I think I'm gonna have to go visit a fabric store and a sewing machine dealer just to touch and hear the sound of a machine.

Today I feel ok. I've been going to work but keeping to myself as I don't want to have anyone sneeze on me then get me sick. My white blood cells get very low and the doc said a simple cold can turn into something worse in a short period of time.
Tomorrow I go for my blood work. I only have to go once between each treatment now. I don't even think I see the doc tomorrow.

Went for my bald walk last nite; I think the neighborhood is getting used to seeing me. There was one guy however, staring at me all the while picking his nose and his wife yanking his arm, like "stop staring and get that finger out of your nose". It was funny. Ah, some never grow up.

Top Hits
Topic: August 2005
[Caution, considerable whining ahead] Last nite on the way home from work I was listening to the radio and the station was playing the top summer songs.... Summer in the City by Lovin' Spoonful and Hot Fun in the Summer time by Sly and the Family Stone and these songs reminded me of some really fun summers.... and then I lost it. I realized summer is almost over and my summer sucked! I think the only highpoint of this summer is that after working in the yard last weekend I was able to hose off my hot and sweaty head and not think about hair. And to think I'm gonna have to deal with this through the holidays, sucks even more. I don't think anyone can really understand how I feel unless they've been through this. It is emotional and physical not to mention change provoking. What changes? Everything. Ch-ch-ch-ch-Changes (Turn and face the strain)... the song by David Bowie comes to mind. All my relationships seem to have changed or are changing. People that I never considered supportive have risen to the top and impressed me with their support; others who I'd expect to be supportive, can't deal with it and hide. The dynamics of each relationship changes [they either turn to face the strain or they face away]. It can be so frustrating and disappointing, but it can also be very enligtening. I'm so glad I have a large support network and most are able to be supportive. A person's true identity comes to surface in times of strain - good or bad.

To top off my evening of feeling sorry for myself, I went home to see the progress of the fire damage repair and packing. All the remains upstairs is items that are considered not salvagable by the cleaning company (but that's something that can be argued). I went into my sewing room, and found about 5 boxes with items TOSSED/THROWN in them. Well, I was furious! In one box were trims, trash, dirty items, clean items, and things that were in containers, now out of their containers and tossed into a box. I found some of my girl scout patches and pins, that were in a container (who knows where the container is); buttons, pins, zippers, all items that were in a plastic drawer cart, not damaged by smoke or soot. A crochet teddy bear my mom made me, hardware, just a mess of stuff. It was so disrespectful of my things. I understand that only a fellow sew-ist knows the value of a button, (I do collect vintage ones); or pins, or trims - but ALL my things should be treated as valuable. And I certainly am not a horder and do toss things out myself. It was definetly a good thing that the business was closed for the evening or they would have had a crazy lady to deal with. In another box in the bedroom was my perfume bottle collection, all tossed in a box; with my dried wedding bouquet and then some trash on top. Who ARE these people?? Ok, maybe it was time for the bouquet to get tossed, but that should be MY decision.

This morning as I was leaving my house, I thought, oh, I wonder if the curling iron is turned off.... until I realized I have no hair or bathroom for that matter.... old habits

Lights, Camera, Action
Topic: August 2005
Some good news. Lifetime Channel is doing a segment in the Fall for Breast Cancer Awareness month. And my doc suggested me for an interview. Says I got a great support network and a positive attitude.... um...

so Thursday I go back out the City of Hope for an interview. How fun! I'm taking my sister with me, I need my support and she could use some fun after dealing with me and my baggage!

Today was my first day back to work - bald! So, not only did I have to figure out what to wear (don't forget most of my clothes are out being cleaned becuase of the fire), but what to put on my head -- wig vs. scarf. Interesting choice. I ended up voting for a scarf - it's a more interesting look and the wig is itchy. I have a series of photos to put up here of my hair-dos (and don'ts) over the past month, but since my computer at home is out being cleaned/de-smoked, you'll have to wait.

Now, what to wear thursday -- this could be my big screen debut. Should I wear pink, the color of breast cancer? Should I go bald and proud? Pants or skirt? (Mom says a skirt). Wouldn't you know, this is my "not too cute" week, just after chemo yesterday and I got those tired eyes and foggy brain. I'll probably start coughing or choking from the dry mouth becuase of the nausea meds, or my eyes will get very dry and get stuck and hurt... or what if I barf, or burp (seems I burp a lot the first few days after chemo), or the remainder of my hair starts shedding and then itches and looks like weird dandruff on my shoulders, my skin may be ashy.... positive attitude???

It will all be back better
Topic: August 2005
When my hair comes back, it will be better. When the house fire damage is fixed, it will be better .... no more popcorn ceilings, no more yucky carpet, and new insulation in the attic. Plus, and coat of paint for the entire inside! And I don't have to do anything but shop! Shopping to replace my makeup, clothes, rugs, towels, etc.

I'm sort enjoying my new "hair-less" do. Faster showers, and for the first time, my husband noticed my earrings. I tied on a scarf, we went to the Tut Exhibit, then spent the rest of the day shopping, and had a great day!

I'll be downloading a picture of my new do sometime soon.

Buzzed
Topic: August 2005
I couldn't take the shedding any longer... it was getting ridiculous with hair everywhere, all over me and brushing it with a vacuum was fun the first time, but not something that I would continue. I called my trusty hairdresser and she fit me in again and we got out the clipper, put on a no. 4 trimmer and later moved down to a no. 2 and clipped it off. It wasn't as bad as I thought. My niece was with me and she helped and lent her support. We took lots of photos. So the shedding is done, now just to deal with the baldness. My head is tender and it is weird, but not as traumatic as I imagined.

About the house, the emergency crew came in today and starting clearing out the upstairs. Packing up whatever they thought salvagable and cleanable. I haven't been up there to look. No sewing for a while, my computer is being "cleaned" and I'm using DH's laptop - thank goodness for wireless internet. Since all my makeup and things were in the bathroom and are damaged, tonite I will head out to Nordstroms to stock up again. Well, at least I have an excuse to go shopping buy clothes, makeup, etc. and insurance should take care of it. I'll load up some photos of my latest hair-do (or lack of) as soon as I can.