TGIF
Topic: September 2005
So, it's official, "from the day of diagnosis you are a cancer survivor". ... now I can wonder about something else.

so, I did pretty good this week. My dry mouth is gone, if I stay away from spicey or tomato based food the indigestion isn't bad and I haven't been too tired. And I'm looking foward to a 3 day weekend.

I am acquiring a rather large collection of hats, and I think that by the time my hair comes back, my collection will be very large. I'd probably go bald most of the time if it wasn't for the inside air conditioning on my head or the hot sun outside. When my head gets cold it feels like I have wet hair. At nite, I like to put the covers over my head. It is amazing how much your hair insulates your body.

Since I'm in a music mood lately, here's another my life in song fact:
the song DH and I danced to at our wedding was Van Morrison's "Have I Told you Lately". We actually saw Van last year at the Hollywood Bowl and he was really, really good.


Have I told you lately that I love you
Have I told you there's no-one above you
Fill my heart with gladness
Take away my sadness
Ease my troubles, that's what you do.
On the morning sun in all it's glory
Greets the day with hope and comfort too
And you fill my life with laughter
You can make it better
Easy my troubles, that's what you do.
There's a love that's divine
And it's yours and it's mine
Like the sun at the end of the day
We should give thanks and pray to the one.
Have I told you lately that I love you
Have I told you there's no-one above you
Fill my heart with gladness
Take away my sadness
Ease my troubles, that's what you do.
There's a love that's divine
And it's yours and it's mine
And it shines the sun
At the end of the day
We will give thanks and pray
To the one.

Unh, oh, wondering again
Topic: September 2005
I was wondering again, boy, that always gets me thinking to much. At what point in the treatment, procedure, or whatever, do you become a "survivor"? Um... I do feel I am a survivor although I am still technically a "patient". I got a cute pink baseball cap that says "Breast Cancer Survivor". It got me thinking/wondering, can I wear it now, would it be like saying you're a "winner" before your ticket number is called. Whatever... it doesn't really matter, it's a cute hat and I'm gonna wear it. I think too much.

Oh, today during my blood draw, a guy in the chair next to me says "you're lucky", and I was like.. unh? He said "you're lucky you look good with no hair". Oh... ok. He has been under care for the past 8 years for leukemia. So we chatted a bit, but then he got all political and I tuned out.

Oh, and those poor, poor people in the south and the devastation from Katrina... wow! I'm going to shut up about my measly little fire!

Hey, this morning on the radio I heard the Stones "Jumpin' Jack Flash" and I recalled that that was the first song I danced to with..... a boy! 8th grade, junior high dance. that's a weird song .... "But it's all right now, I'm Jumpin' Jack Flash
It's a gas! Gas! Gas!
Jumpin' Jack Flash, it's a gas"

Speaking of gas, I think I need to go and get a scooter!

You look beautiful
Topic: August 2005
Today is gonna be a good day.... afterall, this morning after getting ready for work, my 3 year old niece looked at me and said I look beautiful. How can today be bad!

My sister and I started inventorying the items in the bathroom last nite... wow, I got way too much makeup - but that's a good thing when it comes time to submit my list for reimbursement!

I'm having sewing withdrawals, and it's only been 2 weeks, I think I'm gonna have to go visit a fabric store and a sewing machine dealer just to touch and hear the sound of a machine.

Today I feel ok. I've been going to work but keeping to myself as I don't want to have anyone sneeze on me then get me sick. My white blood cells get very low and the doc said a simple cold can turn into something worse in a short period of time.
Tomorrow I go for my blood work. I only have to go once between each treatment now. I don't even think I see the doc tomorrow.

Went for my bald walk last nite; I think the neighborhood is getting used to seeing me. There was one guy however, staring at me all the while picking his nose and his wife yanking his arm, like "stop staring and get that finger out of your nose". It was funny. Ah, some never grow up.

Top Hits
Topic: August 2005
[Caution, considerable whining ahead] Last nite on the way home from work I was listening to the radio and the station was playing the top summer songs.... Summer in the City by Lovin' Spoonful and Hot Fun in the Summer time by Sly and the Family Stone and these songs reminded me of some really fun summers.... and then I lost it. I realized summer is almost over and my summer sucked! I think the only highpoint of this summer is that after working in the yard last weekend I was able to hose off my hot and sweaty head and not think about hair. And to think I'm gonna have to deal with this through the holidays, sucks even more. I don't think anyone can really understand how I feel unless they've been through this. It is emotional and physical not to mention change provoking. What changes? Everything. Ch-ch-ch-ch-Changes (Turn and face the strain)... the song by David Bowie comes to mind. All my relationships seem to have changed or are changing. People that I never considered supportive have risen to the top and impressed me with their support; others who I'd expect to be supportive, can't deal with it and hide. The dynamics of each relationship changes [they either turn to face the strain or they face away]. It can be so frustrating and disappointing, but it can also be very enligtening. I'm so glad I have a large support network and most are able to be supportive. A person's true identity comes to surface in times of strain - good or bad.

To top off my evening of feeling sorry for myself, I went home to see the progress of the fire damage repair and packing. All the remains upstairs is items that are considered not salvagable by the cleaning company (but that's something that can be argued). I went into my sewing room, and found about 5 boxes with items TOSSED/THROWN in them. Well, I was furious! In one box were trims, trash, dirty items, clean items, and things that were in containers, now out of their containers and tossed into a box. I found some of my girl scout patches and pins, that were in a container (who knows where the container is); buttons, pins, zippers, all items that were in a plastic drawer cart, not damaged by smoke or soot. A crochet teddy bear my mom made me, hardware, just a mess of stuff. It was so disrespectful of my things. I understand that only a fellow sew-ist knows the value of a button, (I do collect vintage ones); or pins, or trims - but ALL my things should be treated as valuable. And I certainly am not a horder and do toss things out myself. It was definetly a good thing that the business was closed for the evening or they would have had a crazy lady to deal with. In another box in the bedroom was my perfume bottle collection, all tossed in a box; with my dried wedding bouquet and then some trash on top. Who ARE these people?? Ok, maybe it was time for the bouquet to get tossed, but that should be MY decision.

This morning as I was leaving my house, I thought, oh, I wonder if the curling iron is turned off.... until I realized I have no hair or bathroom for that matter.... old habits

City of Hope - Walk to Find a Cure
I signed up for the City of Hope's Walk to find a cure which will take place in October. I think that City of Hope is a great place: everyone is nice and has been very supportive there. I placed a link over in the left column for you to go if you wish to donate any $$. Also, here's another link Support the Fight

My mouth isn't too dry anymore; I just have terrible indigestion. Maybe it was the guacamole I had last nite. Um.... but it was sooo good. Other then being a little more tired then usual, it has been a great weekend.

Oh, here's a cute story: You know those cute little elastice bow/floral hair bands that mother's put on their baby girl's heads when they are bald. Well my niece (3 years old); went through her drawer the other nite and gathered up hers and brought them to me to wear. Isn't that cute. I suppose I could start a new trend, but not sure if it would take :)