By the Way -- I can Drink!
Mood:  party time!
Topic: July 2005
Forgot to mention, my only question, for the most part on Tuesday, was "Can I drink?". Needless to say, the oncologist was a little puzzled, and probably had visions of a stumbling alcoholic, but I assured him it is an occasional glass of wine... you know, just like in the old movies, they'd come home from work, pop open the globe bar, put on their slippers, and pour a drink. Well, I too on occasion, and lately, everyday is an "occasion", like a nice glass of wine. And afterall, it's an anti-oxident and did you know that so is dark chocolate. So I'm thinking wine and chocolate is healthy! It's part of the "treatment"! And he said YES! Yahoo- but only 1 or 2 a week (I took that as bottles). I can probably throw in an occasional margarita too!

I was starting to think, geeze, if I can't drink, maybe I'll have to look into "medical" marijuana alternatives... ok, not really, but yes, or, no not really... oops I guess I should quit while I'm ahead and take the 5th.

Treat the Person AND the Disease
Mood:  happy
Topic: July 2005
Wow, what a great place City of Hope is and what a nice doc! I went with DH and my sister and I noticed him watching the dynamics between us. The doc was very perceptive, informative, and interested. He read my file (before I got in the room) and didn't need to know too much about me medically... afterall it was all in the file, but he asked me questions about ME so that he could taylor my treatment for ME. He said the first thing he noticed was my long hair and realized the hair loss would be an issue and discussed it... nicely... and said maybe there are other options so I MAY not lose my hair. But when it comes to treating cancer, that having me live long and healthy would be first before the hair. But, hey, he picked up on the hair thing without me saying a word (maybe it was because I was flinging my hair around? No not really).

He asked what bothers me the most about the chemo and I responded that I may be tired and not able to do 10 things at once. He asked what my hobbies were, if I liked my job, how many brothers and sisters I have, etc. He got to know me. He then said that he will go over my films and slides and talk to some of his colleagues to make sure he isn't missing anything, and we would meet again, on the 26th to go over a treatment plan and what I could expect. He also said he would call me before then to discuss options. I left this appt in a good mood, feeling very comfortable and that I will be receiving the best care possible.

So, I go back on the 20th for a muga scan info, bone scan, chest xray, and blood work. I guess they want to see how far they can push my body with chemo. Then I see the doc again on the 26th, and the chemo will also start that week. It will probably be once every three weeks for 4 sessions. My blood will need the 3 weeks to build up (or whatever) before they kill it off again.

His treatment plan is basically the same as Doc Fallout's but he is a much nicer person and since I'll be spending some time with him over the next few years, I may as well like the doc and the facility.

Fear ...
Mood:  not sure
Topic: July 2005
Ok, I'll admit it... I'm scared. The long weekend is over, what a great weekend! Perfect summer weekend. BBQ's, swimming, fireworks, and just plain ol' hanging out. I even read a book! [Of course it was about sewing, Edith Head's biography "The Dress Doctor"]. A good book, nice and gossipy too!

As I was watching fireworks last nite, and my long summer weekend was coming to a close, I admitted I'm scared. It really DOES take courage to go into this thing. That must be where Lance Armstrong gets his stamina and energy and why he is a consistant winner! He already faced the worse! It would be so much easier to just not go to the oncologist today, not do the chemo and follow-up. Afterall, I feel good.

Oh well, my appt is at 3:45 today, let's see what happens!

Say What....
Mood:  silly
Topic: July 2005
Isn't it interesting how a certain phrase or word can mean different things to different people or be interpreted differently.

I was looking over the paperwork I picked up Friday from Doc Surgeon's office (you know, the "breast expert"). And on several of the reports it describes me as "well nourished" and "middle aged". Well nourished??? The first word that came to my mind was "fat" = "well nourished"; and Middled Aged = OLD. Yikes!. what's up with that?... I'm only 45, that's NOT middled aged. Only a few years ago, I was described as "young", when did I turn "middle age". Oprah say that 50 is the new 40. So, 45 is still "young" NOT "middled aged". And "well nourished". I don't know, but I certainly had less of a reaction from the word "cancer" then I did with the words "middle aged" and "well nourished". Besides, I took one of those on-line quizes a while ago and it said I was gonna live to 97, so I'm Not middled aged!

Earlier today, I was reading an article re breast cancer and it said that I should have my doctor write a prescription for a "cranial prostesis". Ah, er... isn't that a wig? But apparently, if I want insurance to help pick up the tab, it is better to use the wording "cranial prostesis". Now, that's an interesting word!

Finally, [yea, it's almost over]. Tonite at dinner with my sister and her family, we were all sitting, relaxing, drinking our chianti, eating our bread, waiting for our meal to arrive, when my 10 year old nephew asked, very seriously, "so Aunt Sue, how's your cancer?" Well, it was one of those moments where if we could have added sound effects, I would have added a record scratching [eeeeeeeeeeeeeek] and the entire table came to a screeching halt. Most of us started laughing, and my poor nephew, was embarrassed and wondered what he said wrong. Afterall, he was just being concerned. We quickly recovered the situation and I responded, "I'm doing well, thanks for asking". Come to think of it, I bet there were other people at the table wondering the same thing - just not sure how to ask. It's kind of a tricky topic. People don't know how to ask, or what to say, or if they should say anything. Heck, come to think of it, there was nothing wrong with what my nephew asked; it just caught us all off guard. It was so innocent and genuine.

How's my cancer? I really don't know, some times I think of it as tiny little slimmy men lurking inside me looking for a place to hide, a place to set up house, trying to dodge the helicopters and the immune police. Maybe when the chemo starts I will think of it as slimmy cockroaches, all running for cover yelling "Raid!!!" and poof going up in a cloud of smoke!

Topic: July 2005
Got a 4-day weekend, yipee! Today I will go get my records from my surgeon - I called yesterday to follow-up and they were not "out for dictation", but in the "bottom of a pile", so my file is available. I will also go pick up my biopsy slides from the hospital. So, I'm all ready for my appt on Tuesday. My sister and husband are going to go with me to my appt. They each have a different perspective on this and have questions, so I asked each to come along. Just hope the doc doesnt' think it's odd to have an entourage, but sees it has a support system. Eesh, if he only knew how large that support system is!

Today I think I'll clean the house a bit, I guess I'm feeling that I need to get stuff done, because once the "treatments" start, who knows how I'll feel, and being the neat freak that I am (although not as bad as one of my sisters), I don't want to stress over a dirty house or cobwebs in the corners.